by Deborah Globus I can see myself, sitting and crying on the beach. I am 24 years old, unemployed, married, and flailing in life. I am lost. That day on the beach was my first retreat. I can’t remember the question I chose to guide me and keep me on track, but I know why I sat on the beach on that cold February day, crying. In that moment I admitted that I hated being a woman, and the admission devastated me.
I had always been more comfortable hanging out with guys. I had trouble with female friendships. They didn’t seem to stick, always breaking my heart. Even my beloved sister left the family, causing me to doubt my worth for years. And I was lonely. My husband worked long, compulsive hours at work. I who had never spent a night alone until I was 21 years old, suddenly had hours and hours of solitude. I longed for companionship. I longed for intimate, abiding relationships – ones that wouldn’t threaten my marriage, like the friendships with men did. And so I cried. I sobbed on that beach, acknowledging this self-loathing and this chasm of longing inside of me – neither of which I knew how to address. At that moment a swan appeared. |
AuthorMy name is Deborah Globus and I am La Padre. With me you'll find the support you need to uncover practical, do-able spiritual practices that work for you. I offer new perspectives on old practices like journaling and ritual, with a side of compassion and a healthy dose of humor, just to keep it down-to-earth and real! Categories
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